onevia
1mo ago
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100%
I think I really needed to read this post. Thank you so much.
I've noticed this everywhere too and it breaks my heart. My wife has given up on finding support as the partner because the communities (even the super private ones) are full of this behavior of vilifying one or the other.
I'm hoping my wife and I sit down with a counselor ourselves soon.
All the love for you and your wife ❤️
onevia
2mo ago
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100%
Animals are wonderful companions that stick with you through everything. They love unconditionally and are surprisingly easy to talk to :)
I'm glad your dog has been such a source of love and happiness ❤️ You two must be incredibly close.
Even if it's a small change in your attitude, what is that one thing you can rely on when having a rough day? I have a few go to activities I can rely on, but they depend on how much time and energy I have to devote to them. My favorite and most consistent activity is taking a long shower and shaving every inch of my body. Body hair has always been such a huge source of dysphoria for me since I was a teenager over 15 years ago. Weeeellll before I knew what dysphoria was. I would shave my arms and legs until my friends starting making fun of me for it. Didn't realize it was such a "weird" thing for me to do. I just hated seeing the hair and loved the sensation of smooth skin. 😅 Unfortunately this activity takes me a while if I want to do it right, but goodness do I feel like a new woman when I crawl into bed that night with soft silky skin. So do you have a similar activity? Is it self care based like like or something different like listening to a favorite music album or watching a comfort show? All the love, Olivia
onevia
2mo ago
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100%
We went through Legacy. They partnered with a service called Splitit and they technically handle the payments but all of it was taken care of through the Legacy platform ❤️
onevia
2mo ago
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100%
Hi! Depends on where you live, but I live in the US and this is what I ended up doing.
My Endo recommended a service called Legacy for storage. She told me most of her patients have gone with them and although none to date have withdrawn their samples yet, everyone has had positive experiences with the deposit.
They're an at home service, meaning they send you a kit in the mail. The kit included a cup for the sample, some mixing (think powdered cheese for microwavable Mac n cheese) to stabilize the sample and very strict instructions to make sure to have the sample dropped off or picked up by a mail carrier same day of producing the sample.
I did two deposits about a week apart from each other. They analyzed both samples for viability, STDs and even how a small portion of the sample handled being frozen and then thawed.
I even had the ability to use my true name in their system and the only place I needed to use my legal name was on the sample cup itself.
They're going to store my sperm for 5 years. And the entire process cost my wife and I $1200 for collection, analysis and storage. We pay monthly payments of $100 with no interest.
Honestly very smooth process and I have no complaints.
Let me know if you have follow up questions :)
onevia
2mo ago
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100%
Wow this really resonates with me. My friends have helped me get through fire and hell. Probably the hardest point in my life and having friends wasn't really a thing for me until I started to transition. Who knew I was an extravert?
But also you losing your discord server resonates with me as well as I recently had to leave a server where I connected with all of my close friends. It was the first home I had ever had that loved and accepted me as Olivia and I had to walk away for my own mental health.
Well Téa, it's nice to meet you and I'm happy to hear you're able to be your true self with your friends! Hold them close because it sounds like they can help you get through anything ❤️
onevia
2mo ago
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100%
My man boobage did :P
Full on woman chest now though which. Is. Amazing 😁
Congrats on the weight loss! That's amazing and I hope you continue on your trajectory ❤️ it's amazing what happens when we take care of ourselves huh? 😉
And besides HRT, getting laser done on my face has been the most affirming and best decisions I have made for myself ❤️ I'm about 4 sessions in
onevia
2mo ago
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100%
Proud of you dude! Seriously. Like I said waaaaaay back when we first met, you are the definition of what a good man is. Happy to know the changes you are experiencing have been pushing you in the right direction.
And I feel a lot of the same sentiments about my journey just in the opposite direction :3
It warms my heart to hear you are doing well and transition has been so helpful for you.
Especially with self image ❤️ as you know, I take a lot of selfies now 🤦🏻♀️ when I was so adverse to them before. And seeing photos of the person I was before, there isn't a single thing I recognize in him except for complete despair in his eyes. Now I'm full of life and so happy to be sharing this journey with my friends like you :)
onevia
2mo ago
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100%
Couldn't agree more with you on this point. I have worries as I think many of us do that this wasn't actually right for me and I've permanently altered my body in a way that is def not gender conforming (aka I have boobs now)
But when I take a step back and think of how I felt before, and how I feel now. It's so contest. I found self love after searching for 30 years because of transitioning, especially medically.
It's cliche to say at this point, but HRT saved my life and now I can enjoy my moments with my son ❤️
onevia
2mo ago
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100%
Oh my god that's awesome! Also getting laser done on my face (4 or 5 sessions in? 🤔)
And my hair is also really curly and growing out! My stylist says curly and thick hair like mine tends to grow outward before down so getting it shaped often is important 🤷🏻♀️
Happy to send you a photo of my hairs journey thus far if you DM me 😁
onevia
2mo ago
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100%
🫂
Keep walking towards that bit of light. Even if it feels like it's getting further away.
One small baby step at a time.
You'll get there and I'm sorry you're not where you want to be yet ❤️
onevia
3mo ago
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100%
I. Love. This. 😅
I am hoping so! And even if I slip, that's okay because I'll be able to get back to this point. I know it exists now :3
onevia
3mo ago
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100%
It's really fucking hard and seems to be person dependent. For me, self care helps a great deal. Trying to be as put together as I can helps me feel like there is less for me to focus on and nitpick.
I can't go into a weird dysphoria spiral because I haven't shaved my face in a few days if I shaved last night for example.
Finding friends and staying in touch with them has been very important for me. Especially those that don't fall into the codependent habits I've always been susceptible to. I've learned what healthier boundaries look like just by having friends that naturally have them in place and being open to why they have them in place.
Therapy is also a huge one. I've learned that I need to prioritize my own health and happiness above others. Something I would always neglect until I was past burnt out and in the more serious side of despair.
And finally, learning to stop comparing myself to how I want to be. Learning to be happy with where I am right now on my journey vs why I'm not where I want to be.
It's a long difficult journey, and I had to do each bit in steps. I'm still not where I'd like to be (but not upset with myself for not being there yet 😉) and have learned that everything in life is a journey or transition. Have to embrace it a day at a time the best you can and don't beat yourself up for having bad days/weeks/months/years
Good luck ❤️
So, let's keep it simple to start. How have you been? Where are you in your journey? I've been on an emotional rollercoaster of sorts for a while but we won't get into that. I've just hit 6mo on HRT and last week I learned... *drumroll please* I finally love myself! Something that has taken me 30 years to learn to do. And that final piece of the puzzle was to embrace myself as Olivia ❤️ So, how have you been? What's on your mind? - O✌🏻
My family tends to be sprinkled throughout the different levels. My wife, grandmother and son, easily number 1 in support of my transition and identity. Many of my cousins I grew up with are level 2. Father and stepmother are level 5 - possibly level 6 when I was a child - still figuring that one out as new traumas surface. Everyone else hovers around 3 - 5. Just remember, I'll always be a level 1 for you ❤️ Level 1: completely supportive Level 2: mostly supportive but lacking some knowledge, or some transmedicalist attitudes due to ignorance, not malignancy Level 3: neutral, not supportive but not opposing either, or "supportive" transmedicalist Level 4: leaning oppose, but no forceful interventions, or refuse to gende you correctly but used neutral pronouns Level 5: misgendering, not accepting you as their daughter or son, but still pretend to be "loving" misgendered you Level 6: disowning or physically beating or etc, most extreme measures (Stolen, with love, from the user Cormier643 on Reddit. Felt like this was a great way to get discussions going again ❤️) -Olivia ✌🏻
onevia
4mo ago
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100%
Hehe. I saw your application come through the other day 😉
onevia
4mo ago
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100%
Might just do that :P
Orchi is probably my first surgical step.
onevia
4mo ago
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100%
Interested ☺️
onevia
4mo ago
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100%
Sounds cheaper than current surgical options 😁
theaddictedmind.com
Have you been in a codependent relationship? My transition has helped me realize just how bad the codependency was in my marriage. Things are really rough for me currently as we try and untangle the destructive habits. I have never had a sense of identity outside of my relationship with my wife. Now that is changing, it means my marriage must change with it... or not.
onevia
5mo ago
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100%
I am working on gathering together all my resources and teachings through my own voice training with a speech pathologist.
Once I have it together I will send you a message ❤️
onevia
5mo ago
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100%
Not a weird answer at all! Being your own best support is a dream that most do not end up fulfilling.
Be proud of yourself Keris, you're a lot closer to that dream Keris than you realize ❤️
I see it and I know everyone here and in the chats do as well 😘
onevia
5mo ago
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100%
This is so heart warming to hear! Thank you for your input, your husband sounds like a keeper for sure! ❤️
And how have they shown that support to you?
Been a while since I've posted here but missed you all! I'd love for this to be a discussion question, but also I am legitimately asking. I have a beautiful son who helped crack my egg when he was born. But I'm still struggling understanding what being a mom means other than "just how I feel" I never had good blueprints for being a father or mother so all I know is generally "how to be a parent" But I'm curious to those of you that have children. What does being a mother mean to you? What does being a father mean to you? Thank you -Liv
_I feel that I should preface this by warning questioning people that looking for signs is generally not a good way to find out if you're trans. Different people experience being trans in different ways._ Thank you lady_scarecrow for the above disclaimer. Very good advice ❤️
That last bit of defense before fully realizing your inner beauty 💜
Here is mine ❤️ she may be knock off, but she's huge beautiful and her name is Gloria. I love her very much :D
Do you have "that one thing" that always feels affirming? Something that you continuously return to because you know it'll make your day better?
This could be the biggest step that was hard for you to start. Or maybe there was a particularly stressful time during your transition that really weighed on you. How did you overcome this and what did it teach you? -Olivia ✌🏻
I was just having a conversation with my wife this morning about my anxiety about the first time I was going to be confronted for my identity. I told her how I felt like it was going to happen soon as I stop passing as cis. Being in a red state in a very rural area makes these anxieties spiral. Well, it finally happened. I was approached by a stranger for being trans in front of my wife and 20mo son.... And it was such a heartwarming and hopeful interaction! (sorry, I couldn't resist the clickbait plot twist) My family and I were eating at the local Sam's Club and a man walked up to me and started talking directly to me. He started with "I don't mean to be presumptuous but..." Me: _Oh shit, here we go. First confrontation and it's in front of my son as we are just enjoying lunch_ Him: I don't mean to be presumptuous but I noticed your family is unconventional; my family is also unconventional (He is FtM and his wife is MtF; assumedly). I just wanted to say that if you're looking for resources or community in the area, these are for you *he hands me two business cards. One card has a website with a big list of transgender resources in my area. The other card is for a local Lutheran Church. Him: if you're looking for a church, these people don't give a sh*t who you are - they preach about accepting all people and loving and supporting your community. Very loving group of people who accept everyone for who they are. He patted me on the shoulder, wished me and my family a happy rest of our day and gave a genuine smile as he walked away. I muttered a thank you but was mostly shocked and didn't even catch his name. Luckily, once my family was finished eating, we ended up catching him and his wife on the way out. We got to talking a bit more. I told him that I really needed that because my wife and I are desperate to find local queer community. We talked about how difficult the beginning stages are (I'm 5 months since cracking and 6 weeks on HRT) but it gets so much better. He isn't religious (neither am I) but he goes to this church for the community. I tell him thank you a million times and we exchange names. We end up hugging tightly for a few moments and we were both a little teary. Final thought. My wife and I looked up the church and it seems their pastor is queer as well and they specifically mention that they are a trans safe place. I think my wife and I might end up trying them out in the hopes of creating more friendships and a sense of community. We aren't religious (and can't believe we are considering going to church) but are looking for a community that accepts us as we are. Who knows, maybe that's at church? Lol
Or in other words, do you wish you were born "fitting in" to the society we live in? Why or why not? This might be a divisive question so please remember to be civil and respectful. I **believe we should all be proud of our trans identities** and how they help make up the beautiful complex people we are, but with rising transphobia around the world, we've been pressured to hide this aspect of ourselves and even feel shame or internalized transphobia. It's important to keep in mind that transphobia and bigotry are learned traits. Not something people are born with. Our society as well as influential people in our lives shape these viewpoints out of fear and lack of understanding. I think this is why so many of us that fall under a binary trans umbrella (including myself) are overly concerned with passing in public. Or "presenting as cis" vs being comfortable with where we are in our process. Does being concerned with passing mean we wish we were cis? Or is it more of a self defense we have developed to keep ourselves safe even if that means going "stealth" and hiding big aspects of our identity? What are your thoughts? Do you wish you were cis instead of trans? Why is that? **EDIT: When writing and thinking about this post, I did not fully consider how different perspectives may view this question. I wrote it using my own experience as a mostly binary trans woman and in turn it excludes a lot of non-binary perspectives. I apologize for excluding any of our wonderful transiblings from discussion. I'll keep this in mind moving forward and love each and every one of you! All the love, -Olivia**
A lot of us experience dysphoria about a lot of things. Personally, one of my biggest points of dysphoria is my facial/body hair and masculine sounding voice. We believe this should be a community where all trans people are welcome to give and receive support on their journey. Feel free to rant about what's been bothering you and try and comment on someone else's comment with some encouragement! It can really go a long way to brightening someone's day! Love to all my trans brothers, sisters, enbies and all other flavors of people who live as they are ❤️ -Olivia (oNevia)
I'm still pretty early on in my HRT journey at just under 5 weeks of estradiol IM injections and Spironolactone. One thing that I kind of was expecting but still took me by surprise was the depth of my emotions increasing. I kept reading about "a larger range of emotional responses" but feeling it is a whole new world! I feel like my emotions have so much more texture and nuance that I pick up on. I can feel them shift from sadness to anger to determination to whatever so quickly and so intuitively. Before I started E, the best way I can describe how my emotional state behaved was like these blurry blobs of feelings that were difficult to distinguish or identify. Everything swirled around me without me being able to fully experience them. Now they are a part of me and I would never go back ❤️