That's an uplifting fact. Tell me more!

He also knows way more about cheating on wives, wanting to fuck his daughter, getting millions of people killed, bankrupting a casino, being impeached, losing the popular vote twice in a row, and being convicted of felonies than Kamala or even most Americans. Y'all should brag about that, too.

I guess so. It's technically AI edited since phone companies use those stupid AI filters to spruce up images and make it look like you're using a large lens by artificially blurring everything not on the plane of this totally unrealistic shallow focus. Then, AI models were trained on these shitty images.

And then, y'know: garbage in, garbage out

My unpopular opinion rant: no one thinks your users actually used a DSLR or MILC to take that selfie. Anyone kit-shaming anyone else these days needs to get a fucking life. So, if we all know the picture was taken with a phone, and we're all okay that the picture was taken from a phone, then phone manufacturers need to stop forcing their users to look like chumps with these ridiculous filters. If you as a user enjoy using filters, I'm glad you found something that makes you happy. If you're a user whose photos look poorly edited because that's what your phone manufacturer decided should be default for you, then your phone manufacturer deserves a big ol' spanking. #SpankPhoneManufacturersNotChildren

We took my grandmother out for her 80th birthday. Her dementia had progressed, but was still not too far along that we could still have conversations with her. She'd often forget who, where, or when we were and would frequently go on very charming, albeit confusing tangents.

At one point on the car ride home, my sister tells her, "Happy birthday!" My grandmother asks, "it's my birthday?" Giddily, my sister replies, "yes! It's your 80th birthday!"

My grandmother gets a sudden moment of lucidity and says, "I'm 80?? That's terrible news!"

Whether Trump is just saying shit or has forgotten his age, there's no excuse for saying that he's not that close to 80 where he comes out sounding okay. Then again, his supporters seem to want a racist Alzheimer's patient for president...

I have concepts of a plan to order Covfefe

What was this detainment about, then? Get me my lawyer! You're just trying to schmear my good name!

Tried it, didn't like it. Guess when my wife says she doesn't want kids, I'll just have to listen to her lest she rail me up the ass. Beauty be damned.

1 in 5 republicans want Trump <3<3<3

To call Election-invalid if he loses

(900) MY TRUMP, $15 for the first 5 minutes, $5 for every minute after that. Hot, steamy election deniers are waiting to talk to you.

Of course. They didn't mind a giant turd manning the fry station, what's a few small ones sprinkled around the place?

Those hairs aren't loose. They've been secured quite well with hairspray and glue

I'm gonna pass on some knowledge that my mechanic gave me years ago when I started getting into self-repair and kept asking him if things needed to be repaired or replaced:

"Does it say in your user manual that you need to do anything with it or is it currently causing issues? No? Then leave it alone. If you start trying to find issues with things that are working well, you're just gonna end up paying for repairs on a thing that'll never work the same again."

Cut it into quarters from base to tip and prepare a smoking-hot griddle or skillet, sprinkle coarse sea salt in the layers. Put a little high heat cooking oil on whatever cooking utensil you're using and sear up both of the cut sides of each quarter. Once the first side starts to brown, flip to the second side. When the second side browns, pour some 5% vinegar on the cabbage and caramelize both cut sides. Slice up and enjoy one of the cheapest, easiest meals you'll ever make.

Technically, Frankenfurter is Transexualian from the galaxy Transylvania.

"Oh my god! They blew up WHAT???"

-massive explosion in background-

*ahem* "Oh my god! They blew up WHAT???"

I'm Jewish, so... Yes, officer?

A. Username checks out
B. I can help you figure out your purpose serving men! But before you can walk, you must crawl. First, you're going to learn how to hunt men. Then how to cook men. Once you've mastered these two, you will spend months or years learning how to plate men. Finally, serving men. Then you'll be ready to start your own menstaurant.

M

They have me. A Texan who will giggle while he performs sabotage

I really don't wanna be behind that bastard!

His episodes had some of the most hilarious comedy interspersed with horrifying tales

Liberal states will get invaded and treated as foreign territories